I am an epic planner. For everything. My meal plans are just a scratch on the surface.
While shopping today the clerk mentioned that the store had been cleaned out of many goods due to the “epic” snowstorm which caused a bit of panic. It doesn’t snow where I live very often, and when it does nobody is set up for it…so chaos tends to ensue. Chains on tires, schools and work being cancelled. (Luckily, this particular snow landed on the weekend.)
Growing up in a place which snowed potentially 10 months of the year, I balk at the chaos. (And still have my snow tires, which still go on my car in winter…never know when we might want to head for the hills – or mountains as it may be).
But I do plan for emergencies. Like the extra stash in the pantry which could cook up likely a weeks worth of full meals without thinking twice. Or the actual emergency 72 hours worth of dehydrated food in our emergency kit. Complete with a wind up flashlight and radio. (We do live on a fault line after all.)
And yet this weekend we did something that went very much against my grain. My husband got snipped (yes THE dreaded vasectomy.) We have two kids. Our life is perfect (or at least as perfect as we can create at this particular moment.) But the strategist inside of me kicked and screamed the whole way through the decision process. The many, many, many late night discussions of how we were done with two beautiful, healthy children. Kicking and screaming. Resulting in crying and anguish for me mentally. And by for me mentally, I should say BY me mentally. I knew that I couldn’t fathom a third child at this point in my life. For so many reasons. But the planner in me…
“What if something happens to one of the kids??”
I know, I know. Morbid. But WHAT IF one should die? Wouldn’t we want the choice to have another? And yes, I’m well aware of how awful that sounds. Kind of like I would want to replace a child. But in a way, I guess the answer is yes. I have three siblings, as does my husband. And I would never want to be left alone in the world without them. I wouldn’t want to do that to one of our kids. I honestly believe that blood is thicker than water. Unless the bloodline dies.
And the planner-in-me in combination with my wartime grandfather:
“You should always have at least three. Just in case. One extra.”
Hmmmm. Again somewhat morbid. But he lived through the war, and faking passports and crossing enemy lines and famine and the death of a child. He also had 8 kids, and propagated the procreation theory. (Theory being if you have the ability to have them, it is your duty to do so, and bring good, self sustaining people into the world.) I dunno, theory gets shaky when I take into account my mental sanity of travelling alone, on a plane with 3 kids under 5. As a matter of fact, I don’t even think that’s allowed. So that leaves me with a 15 hour road trip with 3 kids under 5. And this trip happens at least twice a year. *Shutter*
Luckily for me my husband is not such a planner. He lives in the moment. And was very clear that in this moment, life as it is was the choice he preferred. Since it’s not really my choice to make (really ladies, when we really think about it…we might weigh in heavy on the argument, but in the end it is not our body and thus not our choice.)
So I *gulp* just let go. It is a practice in putting my planning to good use, and excellent practice in self control over all the fear based planning. I still find myself in a panic, kids dying (or already dead) in my mind. My heart races, tears well up in my eyes. And then my actual kids, right here, right now, snap me out of it by screeching at one another in a new game they’ve developed. I open my eyes and realize that they are RIGHT HERE.
So I continue with my meal planning. And other things that make our life better. The life we are living RIGHT NOW a little easier.
Here is this week’s plan (plus our awesome almost-daily large garden salad):
- Broccoli Pesto Pasta (from the fabulous Annie! Just love her site!)
- Sweet Potato and Black Bean Enchiladas
- White Bean and Kale Soup (from the fabulous Curvy Carrot! Yum!)
- Portabella Enchiladas
- Zucchini and Black Bean Quesadillas